FEAR

WRITTEN BY: ENBE 03.22.2023

You fear, so do I.

Coming from a small town I've witnessed many civilians falling victim to never leaving.

Being comfortable with being complacent. A part of me is jealous of them. Not because of where they're at in their life, but because of how okay they are with it.

Doing the same 9-5 that their childhood self never envisioned. Wake up, work, sleep, repeat.

For me, that isn't a possibility.

The way I feel about my art is bountiful. If I don't do my art or make a living off of my art..... I will die.

Not physically die, but spiritually. My soul will never be comfortable with NOT pursuing my passion. Now, I’m not saying working a 9-5 is an issue, it only becomes a saddening subject when it’s not what you live and breathe.

My self-awareness reminds me of where that feeling stems from, and as stated before I am from a small town.

My family -although extremely successful- is very corporation-driven.

They work jobs that society deems as "traditional" or "realistic." Although it's supplying their lives, I know deep down there is something they truly want to do...but they're not.

They're extremely artistic individuals but aren't pursuing an art. So, I've never been exposed to a reality where a family member of mine is making a stable living from their passion.

That's where the unsettling fear comes in. Will it work out for me? Will I be like the other souls of my town who are aimlessly moving? Those thoughts crowd my mind and make me often frustrated.

Frustrated to the point where it dictates the way I work. It inspires me to work more, but I often feel like I'm working to prove to myself that I can rather than I want to.

I also understand that although those same family members may love art, their current jobs may be what suits them best. That is also okay.

Sometimes we tend to let the pressures of life and fear dictate how we perceive not only our lives but others. It's not anyone else's place in life to say what you should or shouldn't be doing with your time.

I tell myself that I have full control of my life, but it is also okay to leave life just...be. Don't force what isn't meant to be forced but also do as you please.

Who is going to tell you that you can't? Me writing this excerpt as a reminder to everyone that even the people who you believe know it all, sometimes don't.

They're human, they too feel, cry, laugh, and fear. I don't want to fear anymore.

Officially written by: Nia Burston